Ezekiel 16:17 “You also took your beautiful jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself images of men, and with them played the whore.”
Way harsh, Ezekiel. It’s not very fair to call us whores when we’re merely working with what we’re given.
Back in the day, rap was better. But when Tupac was snatched away, he left the gates to the ghetto wide open for everyone who thinks it’s cool to get high on cough syrup. Tupac really had something to offer (he even wrote poetry) and as the Wu-Tang Clan said,
“It’s always the good ones that have to die.”
After a hard upbringing and storied career it’s only fair that Tupac gets to rest in peace. Oh wait, hold-up! Wasn’t that Tupac the other week at Coachella? OMG how cool, it’s like he’s back from the dead or something. We’ve seen Tupac perform as well now! You Gen X’ers can totes suck it.
Just like our ancestors used to find magic lantern shows exciting, all walks of life have been drawn into what is the new hologram talk of the town (except the Amish of course, who are watching shadow puppets right now and laughing their asses off). But did anyone else see the Tupac hologram and feel a bit uneasy? Tupac in real life was a huge babe, in both attitude and looks, and his hologram only made him look like
that R. Kelly mannequin. It certainly didn’t do the real Shakur justice and was kind of a bit Weird Science. If only Snoop Dogg had been a little bit higher and fallen through him to ruin the illusion.
With every Elvis, Hendrix and Lisa Left Eye apparently getting projected, it’s clear holograms are the latest gimmick. Like 3D movies, food and wine conventions and disco lights; it’s all about drawing us in and sucking us dry. If Harry Potter taught us anything it’s that you can’t ever really bring someone back (the resurrection stone, duh). We’re meant to let our loved ones go, ‘cos otherwise we go mad with hopeless longing and hang ourselves. If we care about these artists so much we’re going to remember them without having to resort to some 200 dpi echo.
And anyway, who cares about the Tupac hologram, he didn’t even start it…
Our girl Kate Moss did. Back in Alexander McQueen’s A/W 2006 runway show, baby. Kate’s hologram floated above the catwalk, and everyone was like, ‘oh shit that’s beautiful!’ and it was like, performance art. Kate Moss is so under-appreciated.
She also totally beat Dita Von Teese to it too, who had to do a striptease AND turn into a shoe.
There was also the cringy will.i.am hologram thing during the last US election. Why he needed to come into the Fox studios via hologram is beyond understanding, but then baby boomers have always tried to dazzle us with their dull visual trickery. Rolling your eyes is still the only way to deal with them.
Then Mariah Carey’s holographic form lit up across Europe for Christmas last year. All the peeps there were spellbound, but we thought it was really lifelike and upsetting like in
that movie where the girl wishes for the mannequin to come to life. NIGHTMARES.
If you love the holograms then you’ll definitely have to get all over Hatsune Miku. She’s a performing hologram who’s been around since 2007 in Japan and sells out 1000+ seat venues. She’s completely artificial: voice, personality, everything – CREEPY. Catchy song though.
Bill Murray couldn’t be bothered waiting around to die before they made his hologram, so he took his ‘H’ self on Letterman.
Courtesy of the best guys ever, aka the Black Lips, Biggie was also at Coachella this year. Who said high school dropouts can’t be science geniuses too? What’s more is their hologram was 300 dpi (way more impressive). On a side note, we’ve never been more jealous of hot water. Hello, Jared Swilley.
So, back to equating holograms to false idols…
there’s this. Favourite quote: “In general, while one will find an abundance of information online about the history of 3D in various categories (such as medical imaging, advertising, movies, etc.), there is very little information documenting the history of three dimensional imaging in Christianity.” Um, okay.
Not too long ago it was a commonly held belief that Einstein is chilling with Mozart up in Heaven and we get to meet them when we die. Tupac is up there too in Ghetto Heaven, and Eazy-E is high-fiving him – when did we forget this? In the meantime, wait your turn.
WORDS: Hannah Joyner