Last week Madonna broke down on stage while performing an unusually emotional rendition of 'Like A Virgin' in Berlin. Here's a recap in case you missed it:
Madonna wept while clutching a cane, presumably after realising for the first time since her last botox injection, "F*@k, I am getting old."
For a closer inspection look at her right eye, it glistens. What you're seeing is no M.A.C body shimmer, that is a 100 per cent legitimate tear.
What's the best way to snap out of an emotional breakdown witnessed by thousands? Get your near-naked Latino back-up dancer to tighten your corset. Not only does this method prevent breathing but it simultaneously drains the tear ducts. Wow, Madonna truly meant it when she sang 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina'.
What we have just witnessed is a celebrity crying on stage, a truly humanising, rare and frankly damn awkward experience and today we commemorate the best impromptu celebrity tearies. Can someone pass the Kleenex because shit is about to get emotional.
Chris Brown: Cries at Michael Jackson tribute show
Lurk the water works: 2.01 minute mark
While Mike Tyson may have influenced Chris Brown's unofficial boxing pursuits, Michael Jackson was his biggest musical influence. During a tribute show dedicated to the late singer, Chris Brown performs a medley of Michael Jackson's hits including a version of 'Man in the Mirror', where Brown chokes up and sings the lyrics intermittently and sporadically with caked up emotional phlegm. Lots of aggressive fist pumping (to God?!) ensues.
John Mayer: Apologises (profusely)
Lurk the water works: Just hit play for instant soapbox melodrama
During a Nashville performance John Mayer gave his audience what Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Taylor Swift had waited for their entire lives - an apology. Somewhat soapbox-like, he begins to apologise profusely for his then recently published
Playboy interview (
read the best excerpts here) where he likened Jessica Simpson to 'sexual napalm' and dissed Jennifer Aniston by suggesting she still wishes it was 1998, blaming his questionable actions on his "quest to be clever." After that abysmal performance, no, we will not being going
back to you.
Kanye West: Immobilised after the death of his mother
Lurk the water works: 4 second mark
Understandably the first time Kanye tried to sing 'Hey Mama' after his mother died he was a blubbering a mess. What we don't understand is why he is not now crying over the prospect that Kris Jenner could be his future mother-in-law. In the words of the Kardashians, "that's cray cray."
Jennifer Lopez: Rejects
American Idol contestant then has a teary
Lurk the water works: 2.50 minute mark
To be honest we were really trying to find footage of Jennifer Lopez breaking down last year while performing 'If You Had My Love', when her back-up dancers were chosen to look like her exes (Sean Combs, Ben Affleck, Marc Anthony, Chris Judd). Seriously, what a masochist. Unfortunately this footage didn't exist and instead we were presented with the following: J.Lo rejecting an American Idol contestant who is married to a woman with brain damage. Pity she couldn't apply the same heart-string-pulling method acting to her roles in
Maid in Manhattan and
Monster-in-Law.
Miley Cyrus: Dedicates song to about-to-get-hitched backup dancers
Lurk to water works: 16 second mark
During a Perth performance Miley calls on stage two of her soon-to-be-married backup dancers that have been with her since "the beginning" - aka her Hannah Montana days - and devotes a song to them. Now, watching this entire clip will illicit the same response you feel when you watch, say, an episode of
Grey's Anatomy or those last five minutes of
Scrubs when Zach Braff says something poignant about life, and you begin to FREAK OUT over your pending mortality. It's moments like these that make you promise yourself that you'll be a better person, even if the feeling is fleeting and only lasts the next five seconds.
WORDS: Lisa Marie Corso