Despite what all those crusty oldies say about TV liquefying your brain, we’ve known for a long time it’s actually pretty educational. How else to explain the A+ on my Year 11 essay on Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart
without ever having read the story? The Simpsons’ Halloween Special
, duh. If we’ve learned one thing from television recently, it’s this: there isn’t a never-ending red carpet which lays itself out for Lara Bingle, fountains don’t turn to chocolate whenever she walks past, and also, ‘being’ Lara Bingle is pretty bloody boring.
As we switch off the mundane drama of staged nude photos, here at Everguide we can’t help thinking we’d be switching on if it were the day-to-day life of Jordan Malane. In our 15-minute convo with the Bleeding Knees Club’s
guitarist, it’s pretty evident his life is far more awesome than Bingle's. With that in mind, we're putting it to Channel Ten to consider the good of society and the mental health of their camera crews, and just follow BKC around instead. Reasons are as follows.
WHY BEING JORDAN MALANE
WOULD BE MORE AWESOME TO WATCH THAN BEING LARA BINGLE
“We made a rule with our managers. We were like “We are not flying at 6am.” We just made them book our flights at reasonable hours because of the amount of times we’ve ended up at the airport at five in the morning. It’s so bad. It ruins your whole day. It becomes this big whirlwind of sleeping in shitty places, getting on airplanes and playing shows and the whole day sucks. You try and make it as fun as you can but your whole day is pretty sad because you’re so hungover and tired. You look forward to the show and the show’s awesome. Then you get really drunk after it, wake up, feel shitty and do it all again.”
…WITH A ONLY A HANDFUL OF TEES AND UNDIES
“I just carry a backpack and my guitar, really. Most of the time we’re flying so it’s fine. I could take a travel-on as well, but you want to be able to get in and out pretty quick.”
“The first time we went to Tasmania with Yacht Club DJs we went up to Mt. Wellington – that big mountain that overlooks Hobart. Us and Yacht Club had this massive snowball fight and then all these Asian tourists rocked up and we just owned the Asian tourist buses with as many snowballs as we could. We had the best time. Then we loaded up the car with as much snow as we could and as we drove down the hill, every single car we passed we snowballed. It was the funnest thing ever.”
As Bleeding Knees Club’s fame has escalated, we’ve noticed so too has the appearance of girls at their gigs who can be filed into the American-Apparel-sporting 18-20 y/o category. These girls do entertaining stuff.
“When we played at Can’t Say the other night this girl came up to me and pinched me on the bum. I looked around and there was this smile and I thought, “What are you doing?!” I looked right next to her and my girlfriend was standing there and I was like “Fuck”… They don’t really creep onto us. We just say hello. There are heaps more young girls coming to our shows now. It’s kind of funny, but it’s kind of like we don’t really know what to do about it because Alex and I both have girlfriends. I don’t know if Brett… no, Brett doesn’t.” (PS. Future reference for young girls: THE DRUMMER IS THE SINGLE ONE).
JORDAN HAS SOME KIND OF DIRECTION IN LIFE
“We’re having a bit of time off at the moment and I’m coming back to Melbourne (his current home) and I’ve been thinking about studying and stuff. It’s kind of hard. I don’t want to go and pursue something else when the band’s doing pretty well. I’m going to focus on the band for the rest of the year then see where we’re at. (Alex and I have) both said we’re not going to be in the band forever. If we get to like 25 and we’re still touring around but not really huge we’re going to maybe just flag it… move on with our lives. It’s really fun now but I don’t want to be old and doing it; being poor musicians.”
…BUT IS MAKING THE MOST OF THE NOW
“When we were on tour with Dune Rats
we were drunk or high most of the time. They’re just… awesome.”
HE ASPIRES TO BIGGER, BETTER THINGS
“We love playing those shows where there are tons of people in your face and there’s no separation, but I think the new stuff we’re writing at the moment (more pop punk than garage rock, he notes) is way more aimed to playing bigger stages. Just because we’ve already done an EP and album suited to those kind of venues. We thought, we can’t play small venues forever... We never even really aspired to be a band and do anything. Once you start ticking off things you want to do – say selling out a show of 200 people, then doing it bigger and that kind of thing – you just want to progress and get bigger. Maybe one day we could (play a stadium).”
HE GOES NUTS AT GIGS
At gigs that aren’t Bleeding Knees Club’s, Jordan isn’t that dude-in-a-band who’s hiding in the dark shadows of the back bar with his posse, acting all cool and important. Most of the time, he’s easily spotted as the blonde guy moshing/crowdsurfing/hair-shaking in the front row. “That’s pretty much why I moved to Melbourne, so I could see bands whenever I wanted. There’s so much more going on down there. I love watching bands – it’s my favourite thing. It’s what I live for.”
HE HAS COOL TASTE IN MUSIC
A cool soundtrack to accompany Being Jordan Malane
as chosen by the man himself:
: “Pretty sick.
: “They’re just awesome and we’re always listening to them.”
: “We all agree on this band from Brooklyn.”
Jordan also likes “heaps of old music. I always listen to The Beatles and Fleetwood Mac and classics like that as well. Classic pop songs.”
CALL THE COPS TOUR DATES:
Thursday 19 July - Corner Hotel, Melbourne
Friday 20 July - Factory Theatre, Sydney
You can win tickets to these shows with DZ Deathrays and Yach Club DJs here.