Halloween may have passed, but the horror is not yet over. In case you weren’t aware, this Friday marks the day where birds fall out of the sky, computers catch deadly viruses, and people’s cars are drawn to collide by mysterious other-worldly forces. IT’S FRIDAY THE 13TH. WoOoOoO*.
It was on this cursed date that Tupac was pronounced dead. Trains have derailed, flash floods have appeared, Mary-Kate and Ashley were born. Point is, terrible times are ahead.
There are entire categories of e-cards
devoted to wishing your superstitious friends luck on this doomed day, but whatever. We’re not gonna board up our windows and clutch our rainbow-coloured lucky shoelaces, frantically sending good fortune to 1,267 of our virtual friends**. We’ve got a thirst for some dark fun and we’ll take any excuse to brandish fake blood, hide behind corners and frighten small unknowing children.
You’re more than welcome to join … or you could find something better to do in our guide to getting freaky on Friday the 13th.
When the sun goes down in Melbourne, dress up in your most shadowy threads and head on over to Mistletone’s Fright Night party
at the Corner Hotel. Their super spooky lineup features enchanting electronic music from Dan Deacon Ensemble, John Maus, Rat vs Possum, Jonti, Montero and Parking Lot Experiments (as well as prizes for best dressed). Or perhaps you’d prefer to move like a mummy, underground. Pretend you’re partying in a crypt at The Liberty Social, where beneath the street Midnight Juggernauts DJs are headlining their Friday the 13th Party (hopefully with heads intact). Get there before the clock strikes twelve and it won’t cost you a spine-tingling cent.
If some big screen skull-duggery is what you’re really after, ACMI have got you sorted. Watch Sunshine
, a sci-fi about the Earth dying, followed by Alien
, which is essentially a haunted house film set in space. Alternatively, you could zombie-shuffle along to the Hi-Fi and see The Red Paintings
perform their first gig in three years. Before you question their inclusion in this guide, their twisted Alice in Wonderland-inspired single ‘The Streets Fell Into My Window’
is the stuff nightmares are made of. I used to play the first minute to my little sister and it would make her cry. Plus the Paintings are probably Red because THEY’RE PAINTED IN BLOOD.
In Sydney, start off by putting together a creepy outfit at Fancy Schmancy’s vintage clothing sale
. We’re thinking ‘90s black lace goth, excessive ‘80s prom or ‘20s tweed and cloaks. If you opt for a 1920s tweed suit/baker boy hat combo you will be required to spend the rest of Friday the 13th freaking out tourists by roaming the streets as a lost time traveller.
Once you’re dressed, you have three options:
a) Prepare to be entranced by The Illusionists
at the Opera House. Forget rabbits in hats and stupid card tricks, this show brings together seven of the world’s best and edgiest magicians, who’ll shock, scare and thrill you with unreal tricks including levitation, mind-reading and escapes.
b) Watch Sydney Theatre Company’s ‘A History of Everything’, to discover all that happened from the big bang till this doomed day. If the world (or your life) ends on Friday the 13th, at least you’ll be satisfied that you knew all there was to know before you died a cursed death.
c) Get grim on a dancefloor to dark dubstep and howling hip-hop. Do this at the FBi Social, where Deadbeat and Hazy
are headlining with locals on the scene.
Queensland, we have but three words – TOMB. OF DOOM
. The hair-raising hardcore band are playing a monstrous Friday the 13th gig at Gold Coast Expressive Grounds with Hold Your Own, Open Sea, Kings at Heart, Signals, I,As One, and Shields. With songs titled ‘Go Gut Yourself You Dumb Fuck’ and the inclusion of growling and gunshots, we assume it’s going to be wicked. If you’re from Brisbane, cackle in a basement to stand-up comedian Dave Jory at Comedy in the Basement
. You never know, it could be your last laugh.
Adelaide, you’ve got a scream in store. It’s spookily simple. Begin the evening at a Friday the 13th-themed Zumba-instructed club night
… wait, what?! We’re not kidding, heaven’s rolled three types of awesome into one event. Actually, make that four types of awesome – there are prizes for best dressed. After what will certainly be a gruesomely great time, drag your outrageously costumed self to Capri Theatre for a special midnight screening of the weird and wonderful Rocky Horror Picture Show
. The organ (instrument, not body part) will be in action, as will the bar and, hopefully, some Transylvanians (wink wink, nudge nudge, COSTUME IDEA).
Perthites, listen up. Very carefully. During the day, do not. Leave. Your. House. It’s Friday the 13th, you might spontaneously combust, the sun is not your friend. Got it? By the time the Twilight Hawkers Market
comes around, you’ll be safe to face the outdoors, though. Eat some brains (spaghetti) and drink some blood (red slushie), perhaps pick up a ghost story or two, then head to The Bird for their supernatural Space Street Boogie
. Here you’ll find bewitching beats, dance floor ammunition and face-melting fun. For flippin’ free.
In Canberra, there’s one event that stands out above all others. Toxic Holocaust,
anyone? Not a real one, the band. Get ready to whip your hair around in a horrific headbanging frenzy when the old-school thrash revivalists bring their roaring riffs, furious drums and howling vocals to ANU bar. Be prepared for mutated mayhem.
*Ghost impersonation, not excitement. Though the thought of ghosts do get us excited, but that’s a whole different story.
**including that Nigerian guy we sent some money to who’s had the worst luck in life ever, we’ll show you the emails sometime.