Field Guide to Partying Like An Awesome Person: How to be a Babe on a Budget
When I first started going out, it wasn’t unusual for me to only spend thirty bucks on a night. HOLY CRAP, I hear you say. Well, it was at a questionable establishment, in a questionable city, and Smirnoff Double Blacks only cost me three dollars pre-RTD tax (obviously I didn’t need ten of them). Times have changed, however, I haven’t. I’m a freaking cheapskate. Here are some tips for saving your cash-money so you can spend it on your hoes.
Sure, your Facebook friends will hate you for spamming them each week, but who needs friends when you’ve got free entry to da clubz? If anything it just means you won’t feel obligated to spread your drink cards too thinly. Though clubs and promoters will claim to pay you for your trouble, don’t count on it. Just take your free shit and run. If this isn’t your bag, make it a rule not to go to places with more than a $15 entry (unless a band is playing). It will probably be full of rich kids who spend hours making themselves look poor.
PLAY YOUR DRINK CARDS RIGHT
Using drink cards is a lot like poker – you’ve gotta know when to play your hand. If there’s some kind of happy-hour going on, don’t waste your drink cards on already cheap drinks. Pay the $5 for your vodka and when the hour of happiness is over and they go back up to $9, then
whip ‘em out.
‘Hey, are you going Meredith this year?’ ‘Nah, man, I can’t afford it.’ You will never utter these words again once you’ve learnt the joy of volunteering. Festivals cost a heap of money to run and though they employ some staff, heaps of festival jobs run on the fumes of volunteers. Apply a few months out and you’ll get a free ticket, camping spot and meet a bunch of cool people. It’s also a pretty rad experience if you like your behind-the-scenes documentaries or knowing how things work. It’s a pretty sweet deal for eight or so hours of your time.
*Note: Probably not worth it for single day festivals, stick to the camping variety.
LEARN TO DRINK BEER
‘Cos you’re not going to feel like drinking sickly sweet cider all the time, get used to the taste of beer. You can sweeten it up by asking for a little bit of lime or raspberry cordial. Also, snakebites were the greatest discovery ever at 18 (half beer, half cider and grenadine), and a good way to transition to straight beer. Soon you’ll be like, ‘Where the $2 pots at?’
OFFER TO BUY BARTENDERS SHOTS
This kind of preys on the good and babin’ nature of bartenders, but there’s a good chance they won’t charge you for the shots you have with them. You better tip them with a few dollars, though, otherwise it’s a case of See You Next Tuesday.
Pre-drinking is a good way to save your dollars but be warned it can just lead to more poorly thought through visits to the ATM. Also is it a coincidence that when you type ‘smirnoff’ into old phone keyboards, it autocorrects to ‘poisoned’? I’m not so sure. If you’re so cheap you don’t even want to buy your poisonous vodka, say hello to exhibition openings. Tell your mum you’re taking in some culture, while in reality you're sucking down cheap and nasty wine and beer for freezies.
Other handy tips:
- Don’t catch a cab to le destinazione
- Don't be a dingus, say no to fancy drinks – more than two ingredients and you’re heading into the rich man’s territory of double figures.
- Go the no straws option – means drinking slower and spending less dough.
Hope your thrifty party times have you like this, he's just so happy: