Everyone's A DJ - From Celebs to Royals to Monkeys

As everyone around him clapped his performance, the smug smile on his face could almost be sweet… if he were a 10-year-old. When DJ Chuck PoW hopped on the decks at a youth centre in Toronto as part of a jubilee tour, the paparazzi snaps and video snippets of his publicity scratchings were quick to do the rounds on the web. His Royal Highness can be forgiven for his little stint on the turntables, but what about those shameless celebs who have made more serious attempts at a disc jockey career?



Since we’re talking about the royals, we’ll move right along to Prince Harry. Reputed for being quite fond of a good time, moving from the VIP to DJ booth wouldn't be such a surprise. However, the catalyst for Harry’s sudden ‘true calling’ makes the whole thing a lot more embarrassingly tacky. On a visit to Jamaica where he met Bob Marley’s widow, Harry decided what he really should be doing was deejaying…specifically reggae. Inspired by the lady with whom Marley no doubt shared many a night jammin’ til the break of dawn, Harry began collecting limited edition reggae vinyls from online specialty stores in preparation for his DJ debut. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), the spanner in the works for Harry is that he wouldn’t be able to play events unless they were family celebrations or had the security levels of Windsor Castle, what with being third in line to the throne of England.



From celebrity royal to princess of reality entertainment, Kim Kardashian revealed herself to be a dabbler on the decks at a Las Vegas nightclub last year. Whilst it didn’t exactly give birth to DJ Kimmy K’s career, she might as well be famous for doing this as much as being Kanye’s new muse or for having the shapeliest rump in showbiz.



Something we all saw coming was child star Macaulay Culkin’s adult problems. Far from the cute little Kevin McAllister we know from Home Alone, Culkin now more closely resembles one of the crooks who tried to outsmart the wiley youngster accidentally left behind at Christmas. Sparking concerns about his health, Culkin appeared skinny and unkempt the day before cancelling one of his usual DJ gigs at Le Poission Rouge club in New York, sending in his stead an iPod and a note encouraging the donation of canned food for entry. Perhaps it's a case of life imitating art for the Party Monster star?



Adding to this insulting substitution of Apple products for real turntables is Rana Sobhany, who would probably rather forget her fifteen minutes of fame a couple of years ago. Using two iPads with pseudo-deck applications, she had about as much chance of becoming a DJ as Wesley Snipes did of winning an Oscar.



Speaking of Wesley though, the daywalker actually had a stab at drum ’n’ bass DJing himself. He even won awards on Dancestar USA for best celebrity DJ. Obviously this didn’t help him scratch his financial itch, instead resorting to running circles around the taxman in an effort to stay out of jail.

Another unlikely award winner of Dancestar USA is none other than hotel heiress Paris Hilton. Making a less than impressive musical debut with her album Paris (on her own label Heiress Records no less) in 2004, a few years later she picked up her cans – no, not them, the headphones this time – and flaunted her mixing… um, talent? It earned her the questionable award of best celebrity DJ, and she’s making her wikity-wik debut in Brazil - apparently because it’s “the musical capital of the world” - this June.



Though most of these enthusiastic spinners have enough celeb-cred to humour their delusional ambitions and last-ditch publicity gimmicks, they’re not the only ones guilty of demeaning the real talent it takes to succeed as an international DJ. We all have access to a whole range of electronic gadgets and gizmos that make us feel like we could be the next Skrillex or Deadmau5. Even Swedish festival promoters are giving monkeys a shot at composing their own club anthems.



With this kind of technology, everyone’s a turntablist - even Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is having a crack. Remind you much of Koop in Human Traffic? At least he kept it to his bedroom.



WORDS: Alex Goodwin